What I learned today…

October 26, 2008: It was my 27th year on earth. There usually is no celebration during this day of the year. Just another ordinary day of my life. But before the day ends I wanted to learn something this very day. So here’s something I have written and pondered upon during that day:

What I’ve learned today
Originally written: October 26, 1981

When was the last time a person made you better than what you think you are? When someone made you believe in youself more than what you think you can? When someone brought out what’s best in you?

That can be a sibling, a parent…a friend, a colleague. In my case, being apart from my family, it’s usually a friend. Whoever that is, I wanna do my best this time to keep that person…or more specifically keep those persons.

This principle is more encompassing than what most of us might think. It actually sets a standard in choosing people we would want to go along with and conversely, people whose association we should shun.

Here are some questions I formulated in choosing my association. I hope I can go over this every so often and check if I have been complying with my standards so far. I hope you can also learn something from what I have learned today:

1. Will a person bring out what’s best in me? or the worst part of my personality?
2. Do we bring out the virtuous side of each other when we are together?
3. Can I confide my deeply seated emotions and inner motivations with this person?
4. Is my friendship with him mutually benefitting?
5. Do we share common values and strive to live with them?
6. Have we set at least a common benchmark when it comes to moral, physical and spiritual standards?
7. Does he show genuine interest in things and people that I am interested with?
8. Does he value true friendship and close family ties?
9. Does he/she always strive to make himself/herself a better pal, a better son/daughter or better husband/wife despite the hardships and challenged in doing so?
10.Does he treat people the way he wants himself to be treated?
11.Does he promote and live a physically, mentally and morally healthy lifestyle?
and lastly…
12.Do we share common standards in choosing our associations?

Will you stick with me through thick and thin?

Now don’t start looking at the ‘friends’ you got and measure them according to my standards. Our benchmarks can be subjective and relative from one person to another. And you are fortunate enough to find a single individual who meets all requirements.

The thing is, it does not take overnight to change a person’s set of values. Each of above item is a hard sell. It takes years if not a lifetime to develop them.

It’s nice to aim to change our friends for what we may think is better. But more often than not, they change us for the worse. That’s one thing I’ve learned in hoping to change people around me. And guess what? Often times, the best thing to do is to change your set of friends. If you refuse to be defiled by their ways.

Remember…the one who goes along with the fools will fare badly. I drifted away and fared badly. Hopefully not that bad and not that far. It took me a great deal to realize I have associated with the wrong people.

It’s good to think that there’s room for goodness in someone’s heart. But if it costs you and your loved ones your quest in trying to find that goodness, then it’s time to call it quits.

Don’t think you can do everything…and that you can change the world. It’s one strength to be able to change someone or something. But it’s humility to admit that you are not strong enough to go on with that futile task.

Whenever you have the chance to widen out…go ahead, widen out your association. But choose only the ones whom you will associate with closely. In fact, there might not be a need to widen out at all. You only need to look around…and you will realize that you already have a good set of friends with you.

Friends might be shaping not only the person that you are today but the person you will be in the future…more than what you can imagine. Choosing a friend is like choosing your future. So better do it wisely.

Posted in Personal | No Comments »