Another stuff I found in my notepad. Looks like I have written a lot without me knowing…Now this is something I wrote while inside Makati Medical Center during my supposedly last day of confinement. I dunno exactly what made me write this. It does not even seem complete to me. But being in a hospital this long reminds me the last time I’ve been admitted for medical concerns - a decade ago in UP Health Service, most commonly known as Infirmary. Some call it “Infirmatay.” Good thing I was not one who proved the reputation right.

The good thing about going into this ordeal is the learning process that you go through while being detached from the outside world. You can ponder on what really matters in this world…who are the people that really matter to you…and who are the people who regards you as important for them.

Consequently, I realized how an able man can be very vulnerable at times, and how fragile life can be. And when I am into that stage…I need people whom I can draw some strength from - my family, my friends, my creator.

Originally written - October 14, 2008.
Makati Medical Center
Room 714

Tuesday, my fifth day at the hospital, lying here in my sick bed within the confines of this room…I am starting to miss the big world out there. I miss the things I can do with all might when I was able…when I was capable…when I was well.

But alas! I am taking this moment of my life while inside this room to think about life. Or “rethink” might be the right word.

I did not have much time to step back and take a look at life in a wider perspective when I was out there in the open. I’m turning 27 in less than two weeks. So it’s that time of the year again to look back on how I spent my life since the last time I did this same exercise.

One glaring truth is…there’s not really much change since then. Not because there’s not much to change but maybe because I am just too stubborn to change, too hard on things, too difficult to let things go.

I have learned some things the easy way. What’s giving me the hard time to learn to bring about change? What’s keeping me from moving on? Why am I so held up by the things of the past, not paying too much attention on what I got now?

I guess I should know better…done better. This is not the man I wished to become. I want a better…more virtuous and principled man. I want to be someone who can make wise and sensible choices, someone who can show love to whom it’s due…someone who can live on what’s now not on what’s then, someone who can stand for what’s right not on what’s popular, and someone who knows what are the things and who are the people that really matter.

With all things said…I hope I won’t end up someone who can only wish to become that man. I hope I will not end up hoping this time.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 2nd, 2008 at 4:07 am and is filed under Reflections. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.